The 21st Winter Olympiad is nearing a close, and after extensive review, I am ready to disclose my opinion on these Games and the Winter Olympics in general. First and foremost, let’s all agree that the Winter Olympics are the red headed step child of the Summer Games.[1] There aren’t as many events, as many athletes, and the quality of sports is not close.
With that out of the way, Canada is not stepping up to the plate this Olympics. The Opening Ceremony was marred by equipment that didn’t work and Canadian performers that were sub par. As far as the Games are concerned, Canada is way behind the pace in medals and don’t look to be turning it around. The US on the other hand is leading the medal count and the US hockey team beat Team Canada which is really the biggest thing.
As far as the actual Games, I have decided to review each. Each sport will get my brief opinion on what is or is not cool about it; any notable facts, figures, or stats; and finally, a grade of Must See TV, Acceptable, or Needs to Be Abolished. Let the games begin!
Biathlon – A sport that is a combination of shooting and skiing. Without a doubt, the coolest thing is that they shoot stuff. PTI mentioned they should play Bond music. I could not agree more. It’s definitely a sport that I wish I was good at but really hate watching.
Grade: Acceptable
Grade: Acceptable
Cross-Country – Cross country skiing is the most aerobic workout you can get. I respect the athletes that do cross-country skiing. However, the biathlon and nordic combined have cross-country skiing as part of their events. This fact leads me to believe that a normal cross-country race is unneeded and should not be a part of the Games.
Grade: Needs to be Abolished
Curling – This is in my opinion the best sport. Who doesn’t love shuffleboard on ice? I have no knowledge of the game or how the scoring works but am mesmerized every time I watch it. Some would say that any “sport” that you could drink beer and smoke during is not a sport. That may be but curling definitely needs to be part of the Winter Olympics. Where else could we possibly see moments like this?
Grade: Must See TV
Figure Skating – Another classic Winter game. I hate it although it has its moments. Evan Lysacek stealing Gold from the Russian dude was awesome.[2] Pairs and Ice dancing are just stupid. I have no more to say about figure skating.
Grade: Acceptable[3]
Freestyle Skiing – Freestyle skiing incorporates the events of Aerials, Moguls, and Ski Cross. All of these are awesome events that have skiers doing flips and ****.[4] Ski Cross is also probably one of the most exciting events with 4 guys racing each other to the bottom. Too bad the course sucked.[5] Watch this during next year’s X Games and you will be amazed.
Grade: Must See TV
Hockey – Over the past couple of years due to HD and a few NHL games, hockey has become one of my favorite sports. I am in completely awe of how gifted at skating the players are and then to be hitting, shooting, and defending on ice really do put the icing on the cupcake. The US victory over Canada brought together my house and was a great example of how good hockey can be.[6] Unfortunately, the NHL is thinking of not allowing its players to play next time. This would cripple Olympic hockey and my heart. Don’t do it Bettman!
Grade: Must See TV
Luge – The death of a Georgian luger before the Games really put a damper on this sport. When looked at by an outside observer, one can only conclude that all lugers are crazy! Going down an ice track on just a little sled at speeds of over 90 MPH is absolute insanity! This sport needs to be abolished before more tragedies occur.
Grade: Needs to be Abolished
Nordic Combined – I’m gonna make a bold statement and say that Nordic combined is the most underrated event. It is two events in one: Ski Jumping and Cross-Country skiing. How well you jump determines how far ahead or behind you start the cross-country. This events turns out to be very enjoyable in the cross-country skiing part because you have people coming from a minute back to win a gold medal. It’s really a sport for anyone who likes watching underdogs.
Grade: Must See TV
Short Track – This is a sport that is pretty fun to watch. You have racing, fast speeds, and ice. When involved in a sport other than luge, it can be very exciting. This is also a sport that South Korea seems to dominate for some odd reason.[7] On the negative side, Apollo Ohno’s soul patch is distracting. Overall though, the skating is pretty exciting.
Grade: Acceptable
Skeleton – If you thought lugers were crazy, meet skeleton riders. They do pretty much the same thing as lugers, only they go down head first. If you thought I was against luge, then I am totally beyond a reasonable doubt against skeleton. What normal parent lets their kid start doing this?[8]
Grade: Needs to be Abolished
Ski Jumping – Perhaps the most boring sport unless it’s a part of Nordic combined. Every jump looks the same and the weather has to be a certain way to go. It’s really only good for determining the order for the second part of Nordic combined. Other than that, it’s unacceptable.
Grade: Needs to be Abolished
Snowboarding – I love snowboarding so there is a bit of bias in this review, but the Halfpipe and Snowboard Cross are great. While each is originally X Games, they both belong here. If not for these Olympics, we would have missed this.
Grade: Must See TV
Speed Skating – This speed skating refers to the long track portion. It is definitely not near as cool as short track.[9] The positive of long track you ask? Some guy losing because of his coach told him to switch lanes when he shouldn’t have. The skater was mad, but seriously you should know yourself which lane to go in if you’ve been skating for more than a month.
Grade: Needs to be Abolished
There you have it: A complete guide/review to all things Winter Olympics. IOC, I expect to see my requests taken to heart.
[1] I don’t think this is really that bad of a thing. The Olympics in general are a tad overrated.
[2] The Russian then went on to give himself a platinum medal saying he really had beat Lysacek. Oh really? That’s not what your silver medal says!
[3] Barely
[4] Shoutout to SNL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8F3UE9qFsg (Warning: Bad Language and T-Pain)
[5] Just watch this final race and where the one guy falls, pretty much one person per race did. It was really annoying to see such a bad course used for Olympic medals.
[6] Shame on NBC for having ice dancing on instead
[7] Gotta love the countries that dominate one sport
[8] I propose that any parent that does be sent to jail for putting the child’s life at risk.
[9] Kinda how the mile is nowhere near as cool as the 100M
A few thoughts.
ReplyDelete1) Thanks for this, I haven't seen any of these olympics due to a lack of cable and NBC being way lame and not letting you watch it live online.
2) Curling is the best sport, I'm glad you rated it so highly, or else I would have never talked to you again.
3) I learned this recently. In curling the only stones that score points are those closer than an opponents stone to the center. Like bocce ball.